Wanted to stop being a people-pleaser, but left with so much more

Today’s post has to do with a client who was struggling with being a self-proclaimed people-pleaser.  She said she had a long habit of over-giving to everyone around her (family, boyfriend, friends, co-workers).  It would always start with the desire to help and support, but she kept crossing the line of how far to go, and then it took on resentment and obligation.  She’d find herself struggling with how to back out of it, or carrying a burden she did not want.  She wanted to break these patterns, and be able to tell where the “correct” spot was in giving without going over.  I asked her how she expected to know that answer, and she said she thought it would come peace in her mind.

Her body brought a whole lot of stress to the surface as we talked about that.  I needed to address some significant issues with her kidney meridian, and sacral, heart, and root chakras.  Once done, I asked her to finish the statement “If I help them, then…”

“..things will get better.”

“For me? For them? For us? For…?”

“For me.”

At this point a specific acupoint started showing a lot of stress, and in context, it had to do with the emotion of betrayal.  I asked her how that emotion might apply to her:  “Why aren’t they helping me?  I give and then they take, and then they betray me.”  I asked her to finish the phrase “When they betray me…”

“It is my fault.  I am not good enough.  I am not what they want.”

I asked which was worse – not being good enough, or not being what they want?  Not being good enough.

Though the above reads quick, it took a while because all kinds of stresses kept showing up that we dealt with on an energetic level.  For part of it, we came back to working with the kidney meridian again pretty heavily.

Her solar plexus chakra came up next, including in interplay with the root chakra (specifically the front cone of both).  The particular way they presented suggested the aspect of requiring respect from other people, and lacking personal power.  I asked how both of those connected with her.  Spot on, and for a long time apparently.  While she shared, inspiration suggested to me to ask how she respond to compliments.  She said they have a big-time effect on her, and influenced her heavily.  She said they could be used to play her if she wasn’t careful.  I continued to work many stresses in relation to theses chakras (one involved blood, the other involved the neurochemicals and the enteric nervous system …she has a history of nausea btw) while she recognized a pattern of how she does stuff to fish for compliments, and then they become her expectation from the person. And when they are not consistently met, she would get frustrated.

I asked her to say “I am good enough”  to see what her experience was. From her perspective, it felt like quick sand was sinking in her solar plexus area (above belly button, below rib cage).  From my perspective, a whole bunch more stresses showed up, many again related to the kidney meridian.  Some of them resolved around a story that surfaced in which she found herself trapped.  In it, she would find herself emotionally vulnerable, and then turn to food (I asked if she was an ice-cream on the coach type of girl, and she laughed and said yes).  When it happens, it resulted in her withdrawing from others, life, and fulfillment.  I asked her what was the thing she was telling herself in those movements on the couch, and it came out as “I am not capable”.  As we worked through the energy imbalances, it shifted to being capable, and she has the image of an MAA (mixed martial arts) fighter oozing confidence.  And she saw herself shift to that as well.

And when I asked her to again say “I am good enough”…no quicksand.